Ninja Porkin'.

The Slippery Nipples

2006-11-09T23:28:00.000-08:00

Oh man. Last night was my first pub crawl, and also the first time I'd gotten drunk with my friend Alison. Needless to say, it was amazing. The day started off rather slow, I was falling asleep on the bus, and in some of my classes, so I wasn't too sure if I'd be able to party as hearty as I usually do. Luckily, I was able to scrouge up some liquid energy, and carry out the night in a Misha honourable fashion.

The night started as Sopranos, which is a local bar which features (oh god yes) Kereoke. Amazing, especially when you're not totally shittered to start with. With the crawl came t-shirts and a free drink, and we were soon supplied with permanant markers and left to our own imaginations soon after entering. This in itself was amazing. I'm definately proud of myself - the crawl was for THUGS - The History UnderGrad Society for the university I go to. So, I attempted to carry out a 'historical' feel to all of my t-shirt signings, such as 'Ask me how big my nation state is...' This included putting arrows to guy's asses (most of which I didn't know) with labels such as 'Invade my Poland,' or more simply, hairy cocks pointed in the direction of their anus. There was also lots of nipple markings, some with hair, others with X's with such quotes as 'X marks the spot,' outlines of hands grabbing breasts for the ladies, and definately pinching fingers on a few of the guys. One guy in particular, who, ironically wasn't hairy at all, had the honour of me drawing hair on the t-shirts for both of his armpits, nipples, chest, and belly. I was going to do ass hair, but it would have conflicted with the arrow I'd already drawn to his ass. We were asked to make a team for some drinking cames, and everyone seemed happy with my suggestion of the Slippery Nipples over The Old French Whores which another chick suggested (who was rather annoying, actually...) But yes. So, thus we became awesome. And there were even little motions involved for team chantingness.
So, pretty soon I was scanning through the book of songs for the kereoke box, and came across 'Bohemian Rapsody' which was a highschool favourite for the orchestra/musical clan. Indeed, squealing away from the school auditorium in G's old white pimp pos car, blasting Queen with the windows rolled down, and singing/screaming along to it was definately a highschool highlight. So, needless to say, one of the guys on the crawl was from that clan, and we definately sang it. And I definately got on my knees and air guitared/headbanged approprietly throughout the song.. infront of 60 people I didn't know. Sweet. Awesomely enough, I didn't have to spend money on booze that entire night. First was the free drink (rum and coke), then I won a few free shots from both team trivia and dance competitions (appearantly, I do an awesome 'Shout!' flail for 3 minutes... sweet.), then as the night progressed, another teammate Matt was about to leave a nearly full Smirnoff because we were leaving this bar for another one (hence the whole 'crawl' idea). I soon rendered this travesty right by chuging it. Sweet. I'm so glad I'm Dutch and can eat Marzipan, because, this shit is too sweet for more people. (Curious, what was a guy doing drinking a chick drink anyways?) As we left, there was supposidly a chanting competition, to which only one team participated in (we were going to do Trogdor are our chant, but sadly, I was the only female in the group that knew it, and two in the group were.. .. stupid. D:) So, we ended up just being negative to the group that was chanting, 'The Beavers,' to which our chant became 'Fuck the beavers.' Very classy for -screaming- downtown at 11:30 at night.
So, we get to stop #2. Steamers Pub. Here, we definately scored on a nice huge booth. It was a happy medium of just conversing, or yelling in the case of two guys having an argument about the 30 Years War on our team, which is exactly what I was waiting for all night. (I heart nerds.) This is also where I was made to sample various concoctions such as rhy and ginger, and gin and tonic. Yippie skippy for sure. This is also where Alison, as for a birthday shot, got some taquilla. Which I turned into a body shot. And there's definately pictures of it, which I'm sure will be posted later provided that one of my breasts hasn't fallen out of the tank top I was wearing under my t-shirt. So yeah. Some good titty times there.
After a few hours, we moved to Hugo's, stop #3, the final one of the night. The music was horrible, actually. And the people trying to dance were much, much worse. One of the guys in our group had been given a pitcher of beer, to which we all just drank out of regardless of the necessity of cups. This was awesome, and probably put me more into the 'overtly tipsy' category for the evening. I had to ask this guy who kept dancing with me -four- times what his name was. Collin. Woot. Anyways, there was this other guy who had been on me for most the night and I'd tried to put into his place continuously dragged me to him on the dance floor, was being rather overtly touchy-feely, but otherwise non-threatening. I knew I could deal with him if things got out of hand, and I knew him from before, so I knew that things shouldn't get out of hand.' Shouldn't' being the key word here. Alison's ex and all of his friends were also present at the party, to which her ex's old roomie began to try to 'get jiggy' with her. We'd already established an 'oh god get me out of here' signal (crushing the fist twice at each other) to which we would make a quick escape either to the bar, or the bathroom if we definately didn't want to be followed by yuckie men. Overall, both of us escaped unscathed. After a few hours of shitty music, and not much rest from dancing (it hurts to walk today, for serious. Teaching -sucked.-) we were both ready to pack it in for a night (it was only a half hour before closing, and mostly everyone had left anyways.)
Awesomly enough, my ride's cell phone died, and hadn't given me her apartment number, so I was rather stuck with zero cash, and only debit. Sweet. So, let's just say that I magically ended up at her apartment an hour later - this is about 4 am. Nice. I had class in a few hours, which I was definately still going to. Basically I just peeled off my shirt, and climbed into bed with another chick (who was expecting me), and awesomely enough in my drunk state, I had these images of her waking up and not realizing it was me and trying to kick the shit out of me. D: That would have sucked. But things seemed to have gone fine, I don't even think my drunken mumbling had woken her up.
So, I got to school the next day, went to class, and taught with a somewhat short temper being the only side effect. Sweeeeeeet deal.

I can't wait to wear my t-shirt. It's currently at my friend's place, because I was still semi drunk this morning when I was trying to leave. Class was interesting, and we'll leave it at that. But I recall the back saying something to the brilliant point of 'I've had more head than a 17th century gillutine.' (Spelling?) I loved it. I believe I was also 'Alison's bitch.' I think Alison wore the one about loving half-aborted fetuses. Sweet.

Anyways, it was a good night, and a super awesome Crawl. And Alison definately loves clubbing with me (Especially the bit when I hump her leg and tell her she's hot D:) And I definately need to sleep. Seeeeee ya!

I Am Sofa King Wee Tarted

2006-02-21T22:58:00.000-08:00

Well then, today is offically a pretty damn awesome day.

Got to sleep in somewhat, grazed on a freshly toasted cucumber sandwhich, made by yours truly (me, so it's awesome), taught some self defense with mah mama at my old highschool, saw a bunch of my old rugby girls, and definately had an amazing comeback with all my old teachers. Phenominal. I think the key point was when three girls who I could honestly tell you I never knew their names came up to me and told me that they always thought I used to be the nicest person ever, and thanked me for it, and told me to 'stay gold.' Of course, I was uncomfortable with the praise, and thought to ruin it by saying "haha! Yeah! Ponyboy!" to which they kind of looked at me funny, but still gave me hugs. It was pretty sweet. I knew one of the girls I'd inquired about while she was crying if she was alright (which she obviously wasn't, because she was crying, jeez) when I was in a spare. But yeah, I mean, who doesn't do that? If she was like 'my boyfriend's a hoe and sleeping with one of the PE teachers!' then I'd totally be able to bust into the equipment room, and do some total ass kicking, right? Right?! I mean, Ninja's arn't supposed to be nice, right? We're supposed to be cold hearted and unfeeling...merciless.... no? Who am I!?

But yeah, so I went and taught my kids classes, which, after Greg's warm up yesterday in class, I am no longer able to feel my stomach. Haha, it's to the point that it hurts to laugh. So, basically the warmup consisted of stuff that I was able to do and not make a total ass out of myself, which wasn't much, and Greg was watching for most of it. Haha. Embarrassing, to say the least. But it was still fun, and I may be able to get cheap orgasmic fudge at some point this summer. Durring sparring later one in the class, one of the kids totally got nutted, so I had his partner kneel facing the other way (which is totally the worst feeling because you know you've hurt someone and you're not allowed to see if they're okay or not X_x) to which Greg, after he was finished his fight was like 'why aren't you wearing a cup?' and JJ's like 'I'm not too sure' and Greg's like 'well, I've got a word of advice for you' and knocks on his cup. Priceless.

So, I slacked off and didn't go to the adult class because I thought I'd get out of making an ass out of myself. HA! Yeah right! So, mom's got this date with this guy to go bowling, which she hates, so she drags me along with the incentive of Timmy Hoes, so I go, and it definately was the most amazingly hilariously bad games -ever.- I cheated (if you can cheat in bowling) and made the 'high scores' of 75 and 60. The best gutter shot I got was when it somehow managed to find its way to the side about 6 inches from where I was standing. Yeah. We had some drunk guys in the lane next to us, who made the comment 'she must be as drunk as we are' to which mom replied 'no, that's the problem' which basically means 'no, she's just that bad.' Hot. It made me feel like a winner for sure. Also, I flail when I'm about to throw the ball, comparitively to something not unlike an octopus. During one of my shots, I was glorified with the chance to see this self flailing arm, and proceeded to drop the ball, and hurt myself laughing because of the ab work last night. I can look back on it and still laugh. Glorious. So, in conclusion, my bowling was enough to make me wish I wore a diaper, just so I could have peed my pants and still looked cool.

So yes, it was a great day, and that's why I'm truly sofa king wee tarted.

Maybe I just need some lessons from da masta... (honestly - who the fuck gutters on grannie style?)

Misha

Fuck Christmas

2005-12-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

Christmas seems to be the time for everyone to overconsume, and ruin the hard workouts they've done for the past couple months within a few weeks' span. Or at least I did. Nice. I totally feel out of shape, and I even went to karate last week. Today was one of the first days back, signaling just how much I'm going to get my ass kicked in the new year. There's another training session tomorrow, so maybe I'll gradually be able to beat my body back into some form of good condition. Haha, otherwise I'll be huffin' and puffin' infront of the kids classes (they'll be doing it too, so it's okay - hahaha). Too much turkey. Anyways, I thought you'd all enjoy a random fact - with the amount of the dozing causing drug in turkey, you'd have to eat four full sized ones in order to feel the effect. Bastards. It's the fact that ninja's pop out of your turkey's vagina, dance around on your place, and then battle with you over stuffing that you're tired. Ingrates.
I can't wait for this year to be over - hopefully I'll have done my shit/amazing year. It's been super climactic, to say the least, though unfortunately not in my pants. If I'm a virgin by this time next year, shoot me. Please.

Mish

Cry Of The Lone Ninja

2005-11-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

Normally it's wolves and stuff that cry for a partner, but now it's me. I've done this whole hunting fiasco long enough solo, it's time for this lone wolf to find an alpha and get it on. I asked the guy I've been interested in for a while out (not crotch boy), and got a huge no. He even like, squinted his eyes shut and stuff - I could totally feel the car we were in closing around us. It was gross. But yeah, he didn't even give a reason. I don't think he's had to really turn down girls before... I don't know. This whole lack of a reason dealio's starting to get to me I think. I saw him tonight, working out super hard - he's been sick for the last bit, so he was taking it 'easy,' which is about 6X my 'hard'... - and S.S. , who was my driver for tonight asked if I was going to stay after the bag work or cut it early... I said I might go for a round with Allan if he was up to it. S.S's, who knows that I like the guy, is also my grappling instructor, so he's like 'Maybe you should do some grappling with him, eh?" X__x I had to tell him that I already asked and got denied. So. That kind of threw off my bagwork for the rest of the night, instead of making me angry and working harder, I definately just felt like a piece of worthless shit, and that I didn't deserve to be there. Maybe I should talk to him, sort some stuff out. This is really getting me down, and that's not my usual...

Oh well, I'm sure you're not all into hearing the sad tale of a lonely ninja, just the horny suppressed ones. Take it easy, and try to get some action. You can do better than I am.

Mish

Brown Like The Shit Comin' Out Of Your Newly Torn Asshole

2005-11-19T22:11:00.000-08:00

( As for the picture today, yeah, that's definately me. Sweet. Hot. Booyah. )
That's right. Today, I was awesome enough to step up, kick some ass, and prove my worthiness of attaining a brownbelt. I felt pretty rediculous, considering that I'd only gone up to my last belt less than 5 months ago, and rather undeserving. But everyone said that they've seen a definate 'switch' in my training, and evidently now I'm more super charged and awesome then before. Sweet, but I still feel lacking in conviction to the new title. Though the brown will match my hair.
Today, there were four who attained their shodan, or first degree black belt. As well in the shodan department, the Twins made it to Nidan (second degree, which, this promotion completely caught them off guard. They were rather flabbergasted), a sensei who's opened up a dojo on a neighboring island here made it to Sandan (third degree) as well as my awesome Jason. Who is just, Jason, and that is awesome. There were a few others - Hottie Crotch Boy made it up to his brown stripe, as well as his partner in crime, who I'm sure would not appreciate having his name plastered all over the internet, and my cousin went up to blue. It was a pretty sweet time. There were others, all worth mentioning, but the throbbing in my knee right now is definately putting me off from writing more.
As with the knee comment, I was sparring this one chick who like... is super mega tiny and boney, and hers caught into the nerve endings on the top, and it was a charlie horse for my entire shins. Yeah. Pretty super. I definately wasn't able to stand on it for a bit, had to call a time out, where Sensei Mom comes out and rubs it... I feel special. My elbows are also pretty fucked, bruised, and swollen due to mass amounts of super hard augmented blocks. And that's a really stupid word to type. So yeah, those definately weren't happy.
So the promotion lasted for about 4 1/2s of intense work. Fuck yeah does my back ever hurt. But yeah, immedietly after that, without consuming the adult beverages offered to me, I ran off to work after attempting to bathe myself with a bunch of hand towels in the dojo bathroom and put my work uniform on, only to discover that I don't have any shoes. Yeah, definately not. So, we had to pop home, find some shoes, and lo and behold - my apron's gone. Fuck yeah, this is awesome. So I go to work, late, and without an apron. The manager has to do some 'paper work' which he grumbled about, basically accounting for my slackness. Nice. So yeah. I worked for almost four hours, when I was cut an hour early, which was basically just a waste of my time to even come in, instead of going out as invited to the bar at which everyone else who was at the promotion is at right now. Fuck, don't I feel like a loser. Tuition can like my sweaty cunt for these kinds of days. But yeah. My ID definately wasn't ready yet either - fuckin' government offices. Anyways.
So yeah. That's been my day up until now. So I'm going to go ice everything, and maybe crawl into bed. Alas, I have no ninja here to massage my naked body.{tear} So yes. I shall attempt to do it myself... which will most likely fail miserably...Hey - my butt's bruised. Nice.

Have a good one, and take it easy. This is Captain Misha, signing off.

Pop Your Pooper, Fucka

2005-10-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

That's right, today I have threatened to 'pop' someone's 'pooper.' And did I mean it? More than anyone could ever know. How might such a well educated, dignified ninja stoop so low as to utter such common language (did you know that 'ejaculate' meant to utter loudly or shout back in the 1900's? I like today's definition better, but you better read up on your old school Hardy Boys)? Because of stresses of university midterms and sexually pent up frustration - that's what. When a chick, who likes a dude (yes, he's a ninja. C'mon, this is a ninja porkin' site... nothing but the best for my 'stake out' shack) who is super shy, and scared shitless of her uncle who is now a 7th degree black belt, things seem best taken slowly. As in, them knowing for a super long time until you've basically made such a huge ass out of yourself by not telling them but dropping mass amounts of hints in a way which doesn't really make sense to anyone but that chick, and in hind site also chooses to say 'what the fuck were you thinking, bitch?' Evidently, it's a bad message to sit in someone's lap beside the guy you like while helping them with their essay. Later, I was told that a good message would be to stick my hand down the hottie's pants. This never occured to me at the time, as the ninja is superly into non PDAs (which, I admit is a little depressing - nothing gets the ol' juices flowing like a good public scene) . I'll have to remember that for next time - but if it fails, what to fall back on? "Sorry, I thought that was a squeeze toy in there. Better luck next time." It just doesn't seem to cut it.
Also, how do you tell a guy you like but he doesn't know that you like that you want him to keep his amazing natural hot hairstyle when he's like 'hmm, I think I'm going to cut it.' Fuck. The situation doesn't quite call for enough dramatics to come fully out of my stalkerish closet, though it does add to the overall super amazing hot babeness of the ninja. Ninja's are supposed to have long hair, right? Right. And if anyone of you have something to say otherwise, you can go fuck yourselves.
Anyways, for those of you with quality, constructive feed back as to this sitation ( ie: Hey, you have monstrous titties. Go for it!), feel free to make your imput known. For the rest of you, as previously mentioned, go fuck yourselves.

So, this is me getting tired and having a biology lab exam in a couple hours, and needing the rest/more stress out time, which will mean a brilliant end to this blog entry which was so awaited and dreamt about by all you fans - which basically means myself at a future date. Nice, Misha. Nice. So how are you today? I'm doin' pretty alright, such as what you might remember of this date. If not, now you at least have the reference to having felt good on this day - hopefully it is useful.

See ya
Mish
Hopefully I'll be back with good news, such as "hey! I got laid!" to which there will be much rejoicing, and the sharing of cereals and breakfast items... you all need to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Visualization

2005-09-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

This is for all of you that can't quite get my anger and frustration unless it's in picture form. That's exactly what I feel like right now, but that dude is so much cooler than me. I mean. Look at him. Isn't that awesome or what?

Fuck Today

2005-09-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, this is more of me bitching about a super shitty day than a day of awesome ninjaness. You might want to put it down under ninja restraint/self discipline, as I didn't rape anyone with a katana, but I was pretty tempted to at times.

So the morning starts off with a late previous night - It turns out my rugby coach has cancer for the second time, and will not be pulling though. We had a candle like vigil at her place - just for the family's sake, I won't put names down, but for those of you who know me, you know who I'm talking about, and most likely feel the same way... So that was... well, very disheartening.
So my alarm clock hasn't gone off yet, reading 6:40, when my mom comes in and says 'When are you supposed to be out for your bus?' to which I reply '7:05' and she's like '... it's 7:02 right now.' Fuck. So I booked it out of bed, tossed on some clothes that miraculously were clean ( which my clothes arn't when I'm actually planning on what to wear.. hmm ), grabbed my bag and left. I had to chase the bus down, cursing and waving my arms like a lunatic, but somehow I made it. I should have gotten off at the next stop and committed seppuku just to get out of having to deal with the rest of today though. So the bus takes about 40 odd minutes to get to the exchange, where I stand around for another 15 minutes or so waiting for the bus to take me to my university. Not so bad usually, but when I'm worried the entire time if I had deoderant in my bag, not so fun. The bus gets there late, and it's already pretty full, but I manage to find a seat, and even manage to sit with a buddy of a buddy; Peter.
We arrive at school around 8:10. I laze around the sub, watch the boys set up a skateboard club stand, then decide I should be off for my class, which doesn't start until 8:30. At the other end of the campus. Yippie. So in I go, and the prof's already in his lecture. Nice. And there's no seats available. Even nicer. So I go down infront of everyone, showing them what a loser with no seat I am in search of one because I didn't get to put my contacts in this morning and can't read the board at all as it is, when I sit beside this one guy, only to find my friends and risk disrupting the class enough to go over, kick a guy out of his chair, and sit with them. Yippie. Can't see the board for all of the class, and there were plenty of technical difficulties to distract even the most attentive student. In conclusion - must go over notes and try to make sense of them.
Break for an hour and a half. Go back to the sub with Zoe, walk around random club stands, and met up with this guy who I'm not too sure on if he's gay or not. Either way I'd do him. I'm sure I could act butch enough if need be - if not. There's always 'non consentual intercourse.' I pick up a Queer Punk pin, which is pretty volitile and sweet which is why I chose it, plus it's me, other than the 'queer' and 'punk' part of it. I'm only bi, and I'm too much of everything to be forced into a sterotype from the 80's.
Go to second class, which I do manage to have a seat with friends, and borrow a pencil because I'm stupid and forget mine. Yay. Put in contacts at this point, but still get up infront of about 400 students to have to pee after much squirming and yelling at Steve in notes saying 'wow, I really need to pee' and being told to pee on Robert. Considering how intently he was paying attention to the rambling prof, he most likely wouldn't have noticed. I would have aimed for his shoes, but, I have stage fright when it comes to bodily functions.
After class, I have to wait about 45 minutes for the bus to come to take me back to the exchange, which, through poor insite and planning, -always- misses the bus I need to take to get home. So that's another, what, hour and a bit wait? Very fun. At this point, I'm still thinking I have to work at 4. So I wait around.. and wait some more.. get on a bus... wait to get home.. the bus driver kicks us off early... grumble, mumble, and walk home some. By the time I'm nearing my road, it's 3:15, and there's no way in hell I'm getting to work on time via bus, considering what the scheduals are like. So, I dash inside, get my uniform, leave a very,very disgruntled voice message on my mom's work phone, and ride my bike to work. I was so stressed about being late (again, a whole second time. Whoop!) that I made it 10 minutes faster than I normally do, plus I had the pleasure of almost being hit by a monstrous Thrifty's truck due to the impatience of construction work. Fucking asshole. Meandered my way down the road, I think I even cut off a car or two in bitchyness, and made it work on time. Get changed into uni, and tromp on downstairs to where I have to co-hostess with the hugest highschool bitch ever. Yay highschool hoes. Luckily, it's only for an hour. But in this time I have another co worker, who is considerably older than I am, sit at the bar as a civilian, and proceed to heckle and harrass mefor my phone number, making sly, suggestive, and just very generally rude comments. I seemed to keep him under control, plus dropping the line ' Oh, I don't know, I have a ninja mom...' appeared to have an effect. But only because it's true. But, then guess who else arrives! Just to make my day -glorious- my father comes in. Whom I haven't talked to since he'd had a tempertantrum about one thing or another, and stopped paying my child support just when I needed it the most for tuition and books. What a fucker. So I pretend to be happy ( he's going hunting tomorrow, so I don't have to deal with him at all for a month ) and he leaves giving me 50 dollars for a birthday present, very rudely infront of a bunch of customers and co-workers. How delightful. Also, I have this psycho bitch who can't get it through her head that I just used her gift card instead of charging her for another one. I mean, wtf? Are you just a fucking southerner or something? Eat my fucking chache and I'll shit in your eye. Ugh.
Next, another highschool hoe starts working, and I'm forced to sit a bunch of people at their tables in a row, leaving me no time to tell her that I'd sat in her section, which she'd specifically asked. On the second group of people being brought in there she clued in, and gave a very catty ' Thanks for telling me' as I walked by. At this point, I shoved my ninjaness under my bed, went upstairs into the staff room and cried. A couple girls that were on their lunchbreaks were very supportive, and soon I was able to wash my face and go downstairs again.
Not too much later, another incident happened, and I go back to Mooner in the back, who was on my rugby team. Lots of hugs later, I go back out, only to find a travel order with the name 'Julio' on it.
For those of you who don't know about Julio, he was a very abusive, self centered asshole whom I called my love, boyfriend dealie for almost 8 months. And man was that a waste of my life. Not to mention the subsequent break downs afterwards from the breakup, just having to deal with having let myself be in an abusive relationship, and coming to terms with just how much of an asshole he really was. Also, due to this, I used 'Julio' as my keyword for the rugby provincials to help me find my aggression, and keep pumping up for when I was broken and tired and feeling beaten. It worked. I had entire scrums of us just screaming Julio. Fuck the rugby girls are awesome.
Anyways, went back and cried all over Mooner again. Finally finished up all my work, and it turns out I had to do a couple fucking tests on serving and blah blah blah. Which is frickin' bullshit. So I've called mom already to come pick me up, and usually it takes a while, so I'm finishing up some of the tests when she comes in, and of course she hasn't been home in like, 12 hours as she just got off work, she's pretty ancy to go. So I finally tell my manager that I have two tests done, and that I've done four already. She didn't seem too pleased, but mom was at the point where she would have bitched her out. I didn't really want Haley to have to deal with that, sooo, I'm going to write them later.

Anyways, that brings us to here. Where it's just me thinking about Coach and the team, and what we're going to do to get through this. Tomorrow I get to beat the shit out of punching bags at kickboxing, so maybe that'll do something. I need lots of hugs and snuggles though, so maybe I'll go and sleep over at a boy's house.

Alright. Talk to you later, and that's my ninja pissed off story for the day. In short, I wish I'd have skull fucked every HSH I saw, but there's always tomorrow.

Pussy, Anyone?

2005-08-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Oh man. Yet another ninja adventure in the small village where I live in. It was a friend's 18th birthday party, and yes, it was awesome. Not only were there about 50 people there in various degrees of drunken states, but also a surprise stripper as the feature of the night. Unbenowest a the time of the tease and dance, it also so happens that the stripper is none other than one of the girls I went to middle school with, who randomly dissapeared with a rumour that she was going to keep her second child, after ridding herself of a first one via abortion. And this was only the start of grade 8. Wow. Some people were just destined to greatness.
Others, however, arn't. Such as the case with one of the guys there who started randomly dirty dancing with me when I was with my buddy Mal. After 'subtly' trying to move his hand from my thigh to my ass, he then proceeded to vibrate, or just shake violently with his leg between mine, and pull me over to the couch. Here, he tried to force me onto the couch saying 'hey, we should sit down' to which I turned him around so that he was now the one over the couch and said 'you can' and pushed him. Somehow he managed to remain upright, and so we continued dancing with some distance between us as I was trying to remove myself from the situation without his teeth being removed from his eyes. After me spinning him, and him spinning me, he thought it'd be a good idea to try to pull me in close and grab at my chest. At this point I looked into the empty kitchen and said "Oh, someone's calling me," and left. That was interesting.
The rest of the night was smooth and awesome, with people wearing a variety of silly hats being swapped and stolen. I resorted to wearing my bike helmet for a while, which I thought was a good idea anyays for maneuvering up and down the stairwell. All in all, lots of photos taken, lots of embarrasing comments said, and lots of random and interesting conversations and situations of being called my mother's name. Wow. That's special. The fact that the guy had trained at our dojo and was now doing Aikido, which we were talking about for most of the evening as well as looking at his pictures of Ozzfest, and that he kept appologizing and giving me lots of guys, were the only way he survived without a solid chest slap. Around 4:30 the party started to crash, and the last DD ride home was leaving, so I went home to stay with my puppy. Who is 11 and a half years old. Here, I went on the computer for a bit, caught about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, and then went to an early morning grappling session to which I was... very... off focus to say the least. At least I was able to do the throws without including semi-digested food particles. No hottie today, it seems he had to work, but Crotch Man was tossed around for a wee while with me. So not a completely unproductive day.
Anyways, now I am off to get ready for work. Yes! That's right! I spent my wonderful nap time telling you about alllll the fun I had. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Mish

Oooher

2005-08-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

Long no blog my fellow ninja finatics. That's right. That is because it is summer, and as such I am more prone to working full time at White Spot ( and no, that's not a sperm bank ), teaching during the month of July 4 times a week, and going to classes another two, and gettin' down on the downlow, yo. So far, the extent of my ninja vacations has extended out to my sensei/uncle's place with my cousin and other family types, where we proceeded to jump of bridges and go tubing through rapids. Just what every ninja family does on vacation, right? So in that group, we had 4 black belts right there, my blue stripe, and my cousin's green and yellow somethings. We also practiced our samurai horse back riding abilities ( Random fun fact - did you know that flying sidekicks were originally meant to take samurai off their horse? So not only did you have to aim for a person, you had to fuckin' do it 6 feet in the air overtop of a horse. Nice. ). Pictures might appear later. But yes, as is the way with the ninja, we plyed our young with alcohol. So in the absence of sake, we used plenty of white russians, which soon turned into black russians of the same size, with sides of beer and wine. We danced like we wanted to, and we left our friends behind.. because our friends don't dance, and if they don't dance, well, they're no friends of mine.
But yes, the bridge jumping and tubing were definately highlights.

Soon after that, my ninja mom, who is also super involved with soccer by playing and managing a few teams, decided to have a party at our place, with all four teams. Whoah. If I thought I didn't like soccer before that, I really hate it now. Just so many people I wanted to grow a 12 inch cock and facefuck against the cooler. So I consoled myself with Smirnoff. Speaking of cocks and facefucking - As I work in a resteraunt, you deal with the public. And what a public thing it is to be a raging bitch, as I found with this one lady. The mom of two children with her own mother there, I've never had such a strong urge to skull fuck someone. Especially right there on the table, infront of the children and mother, just to listen to her cry, and feel the virtuous humour gelling around whatever phallic device I have at the moment as I make sweet, sweet love to her eye socket.

On a happier note, I snuck into the local 'alternative' club downtown, Evolutions. Of course, as I have to alert mother of most of my illegal activities due to the fact that she would have my nipples cut off and stapled to my ears if she heard about it afterwards from all the police that she trains or plays soccer with, her stipulation for me going to the bar without her was to have a blackbelt with her. Yippie! So I called up... we'll call him the Bull, who is a ni or san dan who drives a really, really amazing Harley, is pretty hot, and really, really fuckin' scary. The conversation went as follows.
"Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?... I kind of want to go to Evolutions..."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, and mom says I have to have a black belt with me..."
"For protection? What time are you thinking about heading down there?"
"We want to leave around 9:30."
"I'll go after kung fu, that ends around 9."
"Yay!! I'll see you there then!"
"Yep. Bye."

And that's how the magic of mom's orders of going with a blackbelt to a club happens. (( I just killed a spider myself! YES! I'm awesome! )) The night was awesome, except for the fact of ID's getting misplaced and whatnot, but I got in just fine, and Bull turned out to know the bouncer, who trains with him. I believe he's a Sufi, which means black belt in kung fu. There, you either have your sash or you don't. Neat. But also the bar tender has a blackbelt, and a few others strewn around the place. After dancing for a while with the boys I formally introduced, and Bull gave the warning of 'You behave yourselves,' to which I gave him the warning of 'if you see me dancing with anyone except for these boys, you're to come up and rescue me' with the answer of a bow and 'yes, and in how many pieces would you like them?' it seemed it was time to leave. While saying my goodbyes to Bull, who was still at the front with the bouncer keeping company, I accidently undid a few buttons on his vest, to which the bouncer was like '.. ooh yeah, undressing him, eh?' so I was like 'Don't you have some coatchecks to take care of or something?' He actually opened the coatcheck closet and offered it to us, but Bull claimed that we would take the offices upstairs. Oooh boy. But yes, all in all, it was a very fun night had by all, to which I felt very well taken care of.

That's my updates of my summer so far. I'll be sure to let you all know if something awesome happens, like the porn party tonight for my buddy's 18th birthday, and I'll post the pictures of my dog licking cheerios off Nick's lap, to which it looks like he's getting a blowjob.

Have a good one!

Mish

Ninja Party Time

2005-07-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

That's right boys and girls, I just got home from a rockin' Ninja Party. There was at least 4 black belts there, ( all from my family, hurm ) and if you added up the numbers of the degrees of black there.. there'd be like... at least 12. How friggin' sweet is that? Anyways, the night was good. Lots of food, lots of booze, and lots of people I didn't know. Broke some badminton rackets, yelled at a couple kids for climbing on fenses and standing infront of kids on go-carts coming down the hill.. yeah, that's right, we have ninja go carts. And hills. Sweet. But I'm actually kind of ninja tired, I had the booze too long ago so that it's slowing me down now. My ninja reflexes! Nooo! However will I be able to thrwart my pirate nemises! ...es.. O_o Anyways, I leave you with these final ninja advice dealies.

1) Spinich pie is friggin' awesome. Yes for vegetarian cousins, so I get more spinich. It's like Poo-eye or something, but I'm actually going to pop someone's eyes. Sweet.

2) Dance like an idiot. Whether you're drunk or not, or just faking to be drunk to set off your opponent into thinking that you're drunk so that they have a better chance to beat you up, but you're really not drunk so that you kick their ass, dancing is definately a way to keep up the ninja babe skills, and to keep mom blushing as I feel up the fridge. Enticing the enemy to drop their pants, thinking that I'd put out is all part of the plan, really. Typically, guys are stupid when it comes to big boobs dancing about, but Ninja babe boobs are top of the line. These things are able to make guys into randy zombies from as far as 10 km's away! ( About 5 miles for you... others. I think. Or that for cm to inches?...) But yeah. Boobs are definately a ninja babe weapon that most people dont' think about. Having nipples that can turn into minature jig saws helps too. Oooooh yeah.

And 3) Never leave your shoes where chickens and bison can eat them. That's right, bison.

Cheers!

- Mish

Hotness

2005-07-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Man... lemme tell you guys somethin'. Misha is a really hot ninja babe. It'd be so awesome to pork her. She's just so hot. One of the hottest I've encountered on my search for hot ninja babes.

This discovery was... discovered... earlier today, when Misha was being all ninjaish and hiding in the shadows. But, my awesome powers of ninja detection were no match for Misha's ninja hiding, so when I found her in all that hot ninja gear... man.

Okay, so, that's not really how it all went down.

Using the powers of her awesome ninja webcam technology, I got to see her all the way across the country, because ninja technology rocks. She was still wearing her hot ninja gear, which was quickly removed due to my awesome powers of persuasion. Either that, or the hot ninja gear was making her too hot, and she risked passing out. I'm not sure, but I think it was the former. She revealed to me her awesomely ripped ninja pants (obviously ripped from her extensive training schedule), then she started taking off her tops and such to show me the bulletproof ninja corset, because ninjas need to be protected from the modern day pussies who use guns.

Eventually, that came off too, but she refused to show me her ninja breasts. Which made me sad and blueballed. But, I'm pretty sure my awesomeness will make her open up and show me one day.

You other wannabes better not try and hit on Misha. You're probably not awesome enough, anyway.

After Class Bliss

2005-07-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

Oooooh man, I'm so feeling awesome. Not only is the shirt I'm wearing totally complimenting my massive tits, but karate tonight was awesome. Even though I was totally begged for most of it, and sore from yesterday's class with Sensei Greg (holding stances for three minutes a piece as a warm up...man, my ass hurts, and it's totally not from getting banged in the back door) I got to learn a new black belt kata, and do some new sparring combinations. Much awesome. I would have liked to do bagwork, but I'll make up for that tomorrow, I'm sure. Or Friday. Friday is kickboxing, with all the hottie guys.. and man... I was the only female there for the longest time, but then I got my cousin Steph to join. She's awesome. We fool around, and no, sorry, not in an incestuous lesbian way. But we do stretch over each other, and give lots of massages... hmm... but there's this guy... We'll call him...Mutton-Chop, who Steph thinks is hot, even though he's about a year younger than her, and he was talking with another guy... we'll call him Allan, at the door. And he heard all of it. And I laughed, but she didn't care, so I got burned. But I want Allan. He's this absolutely amazing guy, who is just... quite and reserved, completely respectful, hot as hell, flexible, powerful, great with the kids class (Gee, those are the ones I started to help out and teach more when he started doing the same... *innocent look*), and I do grappling with him. I have some good drunk clubbin' stories with him too, but we'll save that for another time. But yeah, I totally want to do him, because he's got so much control over his body, I think he'd be amazing in the sack. Fuck. There's like, no fat on him. Just, chistled manly awesomeness, but not like, arrogant stuff, just... there. Man. Fuck, I want him. But anyways, kickboxing. You'd think that chicks know how to skip and stuff better than guys, right? WRONG! Fuck, these boys are doing doubles, and moving up and down the dojo while I'm trying not to get the rope stuck in my bloody hair (It's super thick, kind of curly, and goes down to about mid thigh. That's right. You try and brush that fucker.) I got totally owned, and considering that we do about 15 minutes of skipping in a warm up, as well as circuit training.. yah, I can barely move the next day unless I stretch really well ( I do this cute little cat stretch whenever this other guy, Crotch Boy, is around...). But these are also boys I do grappling with. Hence how Crotch Boy got his name when I had my face rammed into his groin in a Triangle Choke. But anyways, all of this talk is getting me a little.. randy. Plus adrenaline rushes help that along. There'd be nothing better than to spar with a guy, slowly undress him with his gi falling open, his sweaty man muscles flexing from all the fighting.. .. and then having awesome ninja sex on the dojo floor.

Alright. I'm calling it a night. Take care!

- Mish

Epitome of Awesome

2005-07-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what it is? Yeah. Ninjas. Epitome of awesome, I tell you. This fact has been proven time and time again, and this fact has been the basis of many of my thoughts of ninja sex. I mean, think about it. If Ninjas are the epitome of awesome, and you pork one of them, that means you pretty much porked awesomeness itself.

Being a pretty hot guy myself, it'd be boring to go after the regular hot girl. It's no challenge. Once they see me, they swoon and fan themselves off, sometimes even passing out. And I'm not one for porking an unconcious hot chick. Your everyday hot girl lacks the overall awesomeness fortitude to handle me, with the rare exception, of course. This forces me to find chicks with enough awesomeness fortitude to handle me. And what better targets than ninja babes themselves?

Just as the intense thought started to get me aroused, my good friend Misha mentioned about how she's becoming a hot ninja babe. To which I mentioned, "That'd be sweet. I've always wanted to have sex with a ninja." Which then prompted some hot, steamy ninja sex.

Well, not really.

The problem is, I'm not a ninja, despite how much I aspire to be one. I have the proper training (Ninja Gaiden [Xbox] on Hard), but never recieved certification. The thing is, to be certified, you have to be recommended by another ninja (or, in my case, a hot ninja babe). So, in the mean time, I continue to train.

My name is Ben, but you will call me Stroud, or else I may have to harm you. I've had previous training in Tae Kwan Do (because ninjas need strong legs), Shotokan, Street Fighter Alpha, Samurai Shodown (because samurais are the second most awesome thing in the world), and Ninjitsu (of course). I enjoy a good challenge in fighting, or fighting games, but you probably wouldn't beat me anyway, because I'm hella tough and awesome. My other hobbies include hot ninja sex, hot ninja masturbation, and hot ninja porno.

The next post will be Misha's, so listen up, fools.

The Beginning Of The Ninja Porkin' Saga

2005-07-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

One day, as I was lazily sitting around my house on my computer, a friend and I were discussing my (Misha) time spent at the dojo (4-6 days a week, and I'm trying hold a full time job too. Nice, eh?) and how I was soon to achieve a 'hot ninja babe body,' he replied with, "Stroud says:
That'd be sweet. I've always wanted to have sex with a ninja." It suddenly hit me then that there were others out there like myself, who want to pork ninjas. Naturally, growing up and basically living in a dojo would give me free reign to mark and pork as many fellow students as I could possibly want. But it seems that being a head sensei's daughter rather puts me ''off limits,'' as if you were to have to run the black belt gauntlet of all the other sensei's in our dojo. Fuck. What's the use of knowing tonnes of super hot, massive, muscular, meatful, absolutely scrumptious karate-doing men without the ability to fuck them? This is bullcrap! So, that's where my sexual frustration comes in. So I thought I might vent this anger out in the form of a blog, joined by my friend Stroud, and perhaps unite others in a movement of Ninja Porkin' Mania... Feel free to add in personal stories and accounts of hot ninja fantasies, or perhaps, if you're one of the lucky ones, a true account.

In honour (just so this is cleared up, I'm Canadian, so I'll use a lose of 'u's, and Stroud's American, so he... won't.) of this "Grand First Blog Post Dealio," I'd like to present this picture of what is sure to be a future ninja. That's a pretty fuckin' sweet angry face, sure to make any opponent crap his pants and run away. I hope I have kids that make faces like that when I get knocked up someday, providing I can actually get porked.

So, in parting words, I leave with a small self introduction. My name is Misha. I have been training in Shodokan Karate since I was about 4; my mother is a san dan (third degree black belt), and my uncle a roku dan (sixth degree black belt). I have recently completely submerged myself into the training of karate, and do kickboxing and Brazillian Jujitsu on the side. My University is offering Akido and Kendo, so I might dabble in those as well. Basically, I like sparring (fighting), grappling naked and well oiled, red wine and long walks on the beach. That is all.

- Misha.